Hang My Heart • •

[Taylor Caroline Becks]

Taylor never liked being around people on this day. She took the day off work too and turned her cell phone off before leaving her apartment that morning, locking everything up carefully before stepping out into the fresh air of another spring morning. At first, she just wanted to walk and block out the rest of the world. This was the first year she hadn’t returned to New Jersey for the anniversary, but she knew it was something that would happen eventually; she had to move on at some point. Her tests may have been clear each time, but it was still the one thing that plagued her thoughts almost every day. It was probably the only thing that held more power over her than her own feelings.

She knew Drake sensed that there was something bothering her. Luckily, after their big fight, he knew when to back away now and give her some space. She hadn’t told him what this specific date represented in her life though, nor had she told him about what had happened right after that terrible fight. Taylor kept hoping that if she pretended that night was just a dream then maybe her life could be simple again. Bridget’s advice told her to abandon the Doctor who strived so hard to make her happy and take a chance on the guy who she knew could shatter her heart into a million pieces without even trying. Her feelings for Damien were strong, but they were also deadly. She couldn’t give him the dream life he probably wanted and she was still far too guarded to let Drake in enough to get it right.

She walked for most of the day, never speaking to a soul and only stopping to get a bottle of water from a street vendor when her throat began to grow dry. In silence, she walked across the city until she came to the East side of Central Park just as the sun was starting to dip in the clear blue sky. There were still joggers and people walking dogs, but most of the bustle was quieting down for the day. She walked until she came across an empty swing set. Slowly, she lowered herself into the seat, rocking gently on her feet as the force began to sway her gently back and forth. It wasn’t enough to get her off the ground, but it was soothing almost. Lost in her thoughts, she stared across at the lake in the distance and the Boathouse café, letting out a small sigh as she rested her head against the chain holding her up. It had never felt the same since she lost her mom and it wasn’t any easier, eight years later. She still felt the same gaping hole in her heart and she still struggled to come to terms with what had happened. They had very little warning and her world had been thrown upside and the twenty six year old still hadn’t quite recovered from it all.

The sound of footsteps padding closer snapped her from her thoughts and she didn’t even need to move her gaze to know who it was who took the vacant swing next to her. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with her feelings for him, but she realised just how much she needed him right now too. He was the only one who had been there through it all, and who had understood Taylor’s pain and worries. “How did you know where to find me?”

[/color] She asked, still not moving her olive eyes from the view in front of her.
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• • •

TAGGED! The Best Friend <3
WORDS! 644
OUTFIT! City Grime and Glamour
LYRICS! Every Breath- - - Boyce Avenue
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[damien travis walsh]

At first, the day had started out like any other. Damien woke up, went through his morning routine and then left for the university. Today was the day when he hardly had a break and his lectures, seminars and office hours all seemed to merge into one chaotic lifestyle for the ex-lawyer. It was a good job he enjoyed passing on his knowledge to the next generation or else he might have found himself too stressed to handle it all. It was only during his second meeting with one of his students after lunch that the date fell into place in his head and he realised what was happening.

Today was the anniversary of the death of Taylor’s mom. Every year she had been struggling with the anniversary and the fear that she might end up leaving this world in the same way as her mom. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t realised it sooner. Taylor never came to ask for help, but he knew that she would need it despite anything that she might have said. He couldn’t stay at the university now that the meaning of the date had hit him. He made up an excuse about a family emergency, sent out a mass email and then grabbed his things and left his office and the campus without a moment of hesitation. Taylor was probably the only person he would drop everything for in a heartbeat and whilst she hadn’t asked for him, he needed to know that the beautiful brunette was okay.

He called her cell, her apartment phone and her hospital extension, but she didn’t answer any of them. He drove around to her apartment and the hospital but she wasn’t there either. It was almost as though she had deliberately vanished from New York life for the day, which Damien realised he should have suspected sooner, considering it was what she tried to do each year. It took him most of the afternoon to try and find out where Taylor might have been. He kept calling her phone, leaving messages after the voicemail version of the Doctor responded after the endless ringing. He knew she wouldn’t call back, he knew she wouldn’t answer, but he refused to give up until he found her and had seen that she was okay with his own blue eyes.

The sun was starting to dip in the sky and Damien was still aimlessly trying to work out where Taylor might be. She wasn’t at the harbour or the cinema or the museum. He tried to remember what it was like when they were kids. Where did Taylor go when she was upset? Slowly, the obvious answer dawned on him and he made his way to the nearest side of Central Park. Back in New Jersey, a teenage Damien had always found a younger, mousy haired Taylor sitting on the swings even in a torrential downpour so he was hardly surprised when he saw the adult version of the same scared little girl perched on the swing set. He smiled sadly to himself and moved closer, taking the seat next to her and smirking when she spoke up. “Some things about you never change, Tay.” He answered simply, his heart fluttering in beats just from being close to her. He ignored them though and instead focused on the reason why he had hunted her down. "How you holding up?"

Tagged- Taylor Becks
Words- 550
Lyrics- Just Breathe by Pearl Jam
Clothes- Over here
Notes- xD
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[Taylor Caroline Becks]

She felt bad knowing that there was a lot she probably should have told Drake by now. Taylor didn’t know what it was, but she just couldn’t bring herself to give her life story, dreams and worries to him. There was so much left unspoken between them both, mainly on her part, but no matter how much she wanted to, she just couldn’t reveal her secrets to the man who loved her. Taylor didn’t know how she felt, but she wasn’t ready to say those three words to her fellow doctor. In fact, she hadn’t been ready to say those words to anyone else since the night she had shared with Damien back when she was still in high school.

Shaking her head and those thoughts away, Taylor pushed her caramel hair from her face and let out a soft sigh. She did not want or need to be thinking about that or the rest of her love life right now. Her mind was messed up enough as it was recently without needing to spend any more time dwelling on her options and the decisions she had made over those she was scared to make. Drake was safe and Damien was the guy she lusted after; it was nothing more than that. At least that was what she was telling herself over and over whenever the thoughts flooded her head. Taylor was never the kind of girl who allowed guys and dreams to fill her mind on a regular basis, but recently it was almost as though any moment alone was prime time for her heart to mess with her head and remind her of everything she was trying her damn best to forget. She pushed off with her feet and started the swinging motion that had soothed her ever since she was a little girl. It had helped empty her mind when she was younger and Taylor was hoping that it would do the same now.

She couldn’t hide the smile when she heard his voice. Really, Taylor ought to have known better if she thought Damien wouldn’t piece together the date and its significance to the young doctor. She hadn’t given it a moment of her time to realise that there was no way he would let her go through this day alone. Even when he was in Washington he would leave her endless messages on this day each year until Taylor found the time to call him back to reassure him that she would survive. Now he was in the city it really should’ve been obvious to her that he would track her down somehow. “Well, you know me; I don’t like things to change too much.”

[/color] It was one of the main reasons she had never chanced her feelings with Damien before; she was scared of what that move might do to their friendship. She tore her eyes away from the water and forced a smile across at him. “Same as ever. Still can’t believe she’s gone, still miss her, still wondering what the future has in store for me.”[/color] She surmised, trying to keep her calm in check. If she wasn’t careful, this might be the only thing that would turn her into a blubbering wreck and the night at the club had already proven to her that she shouldn’t be left with Damien when she was feeling vulnerable.
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• • •

TAGGED! The Best Friend <3
WORDS! 605
OUTFIT! City Grime and Glamour
LYRICS! Every Breath- - - Boyce Avenue
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[damien travis walsh]

He had always found Taylor to be fascinating. She was confident, yet shy. She was mysterious, yet open. It was all so attractive to Damien and it made her ten times harder to read, not knowing what move she’d make next or what she was thinking. He found it frustrating at time too and had to outright ask her something in order to find out an answer and he knew Taylor didn’t like being questioned all that much. He wondered if Drake knew about today. If he did, why wasn’t he with her right now? Taylor liked her space, but if she was Damien’s girl then he wouldn’t leave her side on this day of all days. Still, Taylor hadn’t exactly been an open book with the guys she had dated in the past, but Drake had been in the picture for some time now, much to his annoyance. Maybe she was still keeping it to herself, not wanting a fuss from anyone else. With Tay, he simply didn’t know what she would do or say to anyone, including himself.

Damien had never fallen so hard for anyone other than Taylor. She had haunted his dreams for years and ruined relationships she hadn’t even known about. For the longest of time he had struggled to stop comparing other women to the intelligent brunette currently sitting on the swing next to him. Whether it was their hair, eyes, hands or their personality, his thoughts always came back to how they weren’t as good or as beautiful as Taylor. He knew now that he should have acted on those thoughts and feelings a long time ago, but back then he was young, foolish and scared of rejection from her. Even after their night together, he was worried about losing her.

He caught her smile, his own growing instinctively at the mere sight of hers. After a bad day, that was all it had once taken to cheer him up and it still seemed to have a similar effect on his mood now. He knew that it wasn’t a typical smile of Taylor’s though; she was upset today and this was her day of mourning each and every year with good reason. In a way it was a reminder of what might happen, though the chances were slim. “Now if that was entirely true you’d never have left Fort Lee.” He pointed out, his own swing rocking slightly. “You just have your quirky habits that I’ve seen enough of to know well.” He said with a cheeky little smirk, remembering that there really had only been four years of his life without Taylor in it and they were the years his memory couldn’t recall much of anymore. Still, jokes and light comments wouldn’t change how Taylor was feeling right now. “Must be tough.” He said, not knowing what to say. When Taylor felt one way about something, there was very little that could change it. “But she’d be proud of you. Although, I can hear her now talking with my mom about how neither of us are married or experiencing parenthood and how they would like to spend their golden years with grandchild to spoil.” He added, hoping that it might bring a smile of some sort back to Taylor’s face, despite the sorrow she had to have been feeling.

Tagged- Taylor Becks
Words- 583
Lyrics- Just Breathe by Pearl Jam
Clothes- Over here
Notes- xD
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[Taylor Caroline Becks]

Taylor knew that she was just causing more trouble for herself lately. She wanted to make something out of her relationship with Drake but there was only the tiniest of sparks there and it had yet to explode into the flames of a roaring fire between them both. She kept hearing her friend’s Bridget’s voice in her head every time he did something that Taylor saw coming a mile off. “Predictability gets old, and when you’re done playing it safe, who’s going to be there to help you pick up the pieces…?” She was terrified though of messing up everything she had with Damien so far. Whenever it came to their feelings it was like she reverted to being the naïve and inexperienced teenager who had shown up at his dormitory door in the middle of the night all those years ago.

There had been a few slip ups here and there, but Taylor was lucky in the sense that “Day” sounded remarkable like “Dray” and her boyfriend hadn’t noticed the difference. Still, the mistake didn’t do much to try and take the whirlwind of thoughts away from the brunette who was only a few weeks away from having an actual nervous breakdown. She didn’t know what she wanted, what was real and was just a momentary phase that she might be done with. She didn’t want to get Damien out of her system, but then she also didn’t want to let him in entirely and set him up with a place to stay. In truth, she didn’t know what she wanted. Some days her heart argued with her head and other days logic fought against her feelings; neither were victorious yet.

Letting out a small chuckle, Taylor looked down at her lap, all the memories of Fort Lee and home racing through her mind. She did love returning to New Jersey and the house that she had grown up in, but she didn’t think she could’ve remained there through her young adult years. There were too many bad memories after her mom had died and whilst she hated leaving her father alone, she had to move out and move on before the grief suffocated her. “This is why the laws of the universe say we should’ve grown apart by now; we know each other far too well.”

[/color] She joked, shaking her head as she tugged her thin sleeves over the palms of her hands. She wasn’t cold, but she needed to fiddle with something and with this shirt it was always the sleeves. Taylor wanted to stop him after the “proud” remark. Too many people said that and it just annoyed her. How did they know how her mom would feel now? It always sounded like one of those generic things people say when they don’t have a clue what else to say or do and Taylor hated it. However, with Damien, he was always making things better before she had a chance to tell him they were worse. As always, he made her laugh too. “I think my mom would’ve expected me to be engaged to some banker or Wall Street expert by now. You know what she was like.”[/color] Taylor shook her head and chuckled softly.
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• • •

TAGGED! The Best Friend <3
WORDS! 581
OUTFIT! City Grime and Glamour
LYRICS! Every Breath- - - Boyce Avenue
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[damien travis walsh]

Damien knew that there was so much Taylor wasn’t telling him lately. It wasn’t just little things either; he knew there were a lot of big truths Taylor was avoiding like they were the plague or like they were going to ruin the lives of people she cared about. He knew better than to push her most of the time, but he knew that this was somehow related to him and the night she claimed not to remember. He was giving her some time, but his patience was wearing thin with all of this now; he simply wanted to know how Taylor felt about him and what that night meant to her, if it was not just some desperate attempt for comfort; something Taylor never usually did.

“Yet the universe keeps bringing us together time and time again.” He responded with a charismatic smirk. He rocked back on the swing slightly, the child inside of him wanting to dare Taylor to a game of highest, but he restrained himself for the time being. “Besides, I think if we could survive New York and Washington without our friendship really lapsing then we’re got a good chance at taking on anything.” Even a relationship together, but he wasn’t about to sat that out loud, especially not on today of all days. He knew that internally, Taylor was a mess on today of all days and Damien didn’t want to be the guy to add to it. If anyone was going to do that, then it would be Drake. It might’ve been an awful thing to think but Damien hated the guy. He had the girl he wanted, didn’t even know her like he did and still managed to do everything all wrong and drive Taylor to be someone she had never been. He didn’t deserve Taylor, not in his eyes and he could never genuinely be happy about their relationship, not even if it was meant to last. Call him selfish, but he wanted Taylor all to himself. “You still managed to reel in a doctor. I’m sure she wouldn’t be too disappointed in that.” The same couldn’t be said for Damien, but he tried to keep the venomous tone out of his voice as he said it. He didn’t want to cross any lines here, but he was getting more frustrated by Taylor staying with someone who hardly knew her at all and who seemed to screw up more times than any boyfriend really should.

Tagged- Taylor Becks
Words- 439
Lyrics- Just Breathe by Pearl Jam
Clothes- Over here
Notes- xD
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[Taylor Caroline Becks]

Taylor wasn’t doing this on purpose or wanting this to be her reality. She didn’t know what to do and her heart and her head were telling her two entirely different things and they both had the capability of overpowering the other at times, leaving her even more confused and unsure about everything. Maybe she would be better off choosing neither of the men, packing her bags and moving to a different state. At least then this wouldn’t be her daily life; torn between them both and feeling guilty with every text message she sent to both of them. She didn’t know the difference between love and lust and at twenty six that was probably a bigger deal than Taylor wanted to believe it was.

Forcing a tight smile, she dropped her hands to her lap and stared at the soft material beneath her feet. It was supposed to cushion a fall and stop anyone from getting too badly hurt, but right now, Taylor didn’t even think that something like that could help her; it was already too late for that. “You’d think it was trying to tell us something.”

[/color] She said, refusing to acknowledge the deeper truth behind his words and her own. What he said next didn’t do too much to help her though. It was almost as though he was actually trying to imply something more to her without actually going and spelling it out. Taylor had never been the type of girl who read into things, but how could she not read into something like that, especially when there was obvious tension between the two of them?! That sort of thing shouldn’t be ignored, but Taylor wasn’t ready to deal with anything like this and she didn’t think that she ever would be. “You’re probably right, but there’s nothing for us to ‘take on’.”[/color] She said, almost in a warning fashion that she then told herself was entirely unnecessary. She could control herself and so could he and there was no definite truth that there was anything more between them than the tension she had introduced after one too many drinks and a lie that she was now trapped in.

At the mention of ‘reeling in a doctor’ Taylor’s stomach tightened and she suddenly felt queasy. She wasn’t sure if it was the phrasing of it or actually hearing Damien tell her what she was dating. She didn’t want this to be happening right now. She didn’t want to have to think about the men on their own, together, or in relation to her late mother. “Can we please not talk about my mom anymore?”[/color] She asked exasperatedly, unable to take any more of this. Her head was hurting from everything hurtling around inside there and her plans to be alone today had been abolished and right now she didn’t know if that made matters better or worse.
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• • •

TAGGED! The Best Friend <3
WORDS! 524
OUTFIT! City Grime and Glamour
LYRICS! Every Breath- - - Boyce Avenue
NOTES! <3 <3 <3