Looking For Life • •

[Ember Thistle Grant]

Her blue eyes slipped to the clock on the wall and she knew Brandon would be around to the penthouse soon enough. She had ignored his call and sent him a series of brief texts throughout the day while she worked from the comfort of her home. It had been too nice of a day to lock herself in her office and slog through the paperwork and phone calls and at least in the apartment she could make her phone calls out on the balcony, or complete paperwork while lying on a lounger. The only thing she knew wouldn’t be avoided was her boyfriend figuring out that there was more than just the nice weather playing a role in keeping Ember locked at the top of her tower today.

It wasn’t a sad day in Ember’s life or the anniversary of the most horrific time. It was just a date when things had changed for the young woman and it was a date where, each year, she found herself thinking about the things she had long since forgotten. It was just the little things, the choices she had made several years ago and the people who had played a big part in her life then. Brandon had been around then, too. He probably remembered those times better than she did, but whether he would be able to slot the dates, the anniversary and the meaning behind it all together was another matter. He was a smart guy and Ember had done enough underestimating of him over the years. He might be late, he might not get it until the end of the week, but the scruffy looking bouncer who seemed to lay claim to her heart would figure it out. Then, he’d piss her off by telling her that he’d figured it out and she’d yell about something and it would take time to calm the situation down. It seemed to be how they worked whenever he pushed at that wall of hers.

She crossed the penthouse to refill her coffee mug and heard the familiar ring of her cell phone coming from the table where her laptop also sat. It didn’t take any psychic abilities to know who it would be and she finished letting the coffee machine provide her the caffeine fix she needed before casually reaching back across for her phone and removing the missed call from the screen. She could probably just answer the thing or return the call and be done with most of this, but Ember still liked to hold onto the shattered shards of her private life and keep them close to her chest. It was why even after all these months Brandon still had to push and shove for her to be honest about the things in her life that had happened away from the not-so-cosy relationship they shared. The dogs gave it away before the key scraped in the lock and Ember turned on her high heels to stare at the space where she knew her boyfriend would appear just seconds later; and she was right. “Honey, I’m home?”

[/color] She asked dryly, bending to save and close the documents on her laptop. Work was done for the day, if anything.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

• • •

TAGGED! Brandon <3
WORDS! 574!
OUTFIT! Breakdown Beauty!
QUOTE! Broken - - - Lifehouse
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[brandon emmett larkin]

Sometimes Brandon had to wonder if he would ever reach a point in his relationship with Ember where she would openly tell him something without him having to prod at that shield and chip away at the wall she still believed she needed. It wasn’t like she could scare him off or convince him that everything was alright; they had been through too much for that to play out well. It was just starting to seem like every time he thought Ember was getting ready to relax and accept their relationship like most women would have done, she found another reason to put up another barrier between them and this time it was no different. He had noticed it when she hadn’t offered to come over the night before and when her texts had been sharp and to the point. The gun slinging blonde had never exactly been Miss Conversation, but there was usually a flirtatious and alluring charm in her messages and today there had been nothing of the sort.

It had taken him some time and a few quiet phone calls, but he didn’t need to perform miracles to get a hold of the more personal parts of Ember’s life. There was a rather ‘tell-all’ file sitting collecting dust in a room at the old precinct where Brandon had one worn a badge. He still had a few favours to call in and for the most part he knew the contents of that manila folder better than most. When he had been new to the NYPD and he had first started crossing paths with the street smart teenager who he was ashamed to admit could outrun him, he had studied every little bit of it. He wanted to know why she was like that, why this skinny blonde girl with messy hair and braces could trick him into letting her go whenever she did find herself in the back of a squad car. It hadn’t been a childhood that any kid ought to have, but Ember had been something else altogether. She had an attitude and a fire that just couldn’t be contained and even now, at twenty-one years of age as a statuesque beauty she couldn’t be tamed.

It wasn’t obvious this time. In the past he had found the report of Robert’s death, saw the locket around her neck and had to step back to give Ember the breathing room she needed to deal with that. She had died that day and come back, whereas he hadn’t been so lucky and Brandon knew that no matter what happened, or how long they were together for, it wouldn’t be a date she’d forget. It had turned her life upside down for the third, or was it the fourth, time. This time, it took Brandon longer to piece it all together and even when he was done he was left thinking about just how complicated his girlfriend’s life really was. Grabbing his keys and phone, and with the night off from bouncing idiots out of the Marquee, Brandon made his way to the penthouse he was spending more and more time in. He still wasn’t used to the level of luxury Ember had found thanks to her rich father, but he also wasn’t used to picturing Ember in that world when he got the feisty and troublesome blonde he had always known.

Giving her one more chance, he called her phone and sighed as it continued to ring beyond the usual and eventually greeted him with the brash, cold voicemail message that Ember had recorded. Fishing his keys out of his worn out jeans pocket, he found the spare one that would allow him to ride the elevator in the secure building to the penthouse. He wasn’t in the mood for one of their shove, fight, shove some more games, but he wanted Ember to understand that she could talk to him. He had no authority anymore. He couldn’t drag her ass down to the station in cuffs if she admitted to doing something wrong in her past and he already knew better than to believe that Ember was some innocent little thing. Opening the door, he heard her voice and fixed her with a hard look. “So, do you want to tell me why you’re giving me the cold shoulder today? Or should I just tell you what I know?” This wasn’t the first time that they were here and Brandon suspected that it wouldn’t be the last either.

[/justify]

Word count of 753
Written for Ember
Listening to She's Got A Way by Billy Joel

[/size]

[Ember Thistle Grant]

It wasn’t like Ember woke up some mornings with the deliberate thought to push her boyfriend away and annoy him. She just wasn’t used to being so open with anyone. Her whole life she had been alone, protecting herself and proving that she could handle everything without the help of another person. Then, she had found a semblance of a real family in her father and Andrew and with Robert at her side it all seemed like a fairytale ending. She ought to have known better, and with one in the ground, another god only knows where and a father who lately treated her more like a business apprentice than a daughter, it was hardly a surprise that she had retreated back behind her wall. Everyone she had trusted and relied upon had turned their backs on her or been snatched away and it just wasn’t easy for her to let Brandon in when she was secretly terrified that he would do the same one day, leaving her broken and lost once more.

Of course, Ember would never go as far as to tell anyone that. She knew how the reactions would play out, and the silly promises that she had heard before would only be empty ones at best. She was so used to not trusting people, to keeping everything to herself and to hiding it all away behind an icy mask that it seemed ridiculous to try and snap out of it all now. At least Brandon pushed. It infuriated her to no end, but it was what people needed to do to make her see sense some of the time. Ember knew it was messed up and she had told Brandon as much when they had first fallen into this, but he had insisted that he could handle it and that the challenge was going to be worth it. She still had her doubts, but the statuesque blonde did enjoy have the ex-detective around; she just wasn’t the greatest at letting him know that.

She wasn’t in the mood for a fight herself. This wasn’t something either of them had to make a big deal about, but she knew that the problem wasn’t so much the memory, but rather the fact that she hadn’t confided in or at least told Brandon about something. She wondered if she would ever be allowed any secrets, any memories to herself. It wasn’t a painful day or one full of harsh memories, but rather just a contemplative one during which she didn’t exactly feel like talking or sharing her feelings. “If you already know then you know it’s not a big deal. I’m allowed an off day every now and then.”

[/color] She said with a sigh as she raked her fingers through her hair and then moved to make her boyfriend a coffee. Ember wasn’t angry at him and while she expected him to push and prod at this chip now that he had found it, it really wasn’t anything for him to worry about. “Seriously. I’ve just not felt like talking much today. End of.”[/color] It wasn’t a lie, but there was more to the truth that Ember just didn’t want to talk about. She extended her arm and offered Brandon his coffee before moving to the couch where she curled up in her usual corner.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

• • •

TAGGED! Brandon <3
WORDS! 592!
OUTFIT! Breakdown Beauty!
QUOTE! Broken - - - Lifehouse
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[brandon emmett larkin]

Brandon often tried to look at things like this from Ember’s perspective, but he rarely understood it all. They were both raised on the darker streets of the city, yet had responded to that in very different ways. Now that Brandon could see more of that he was just confused by how Ember felt the need to lock her thoughts and feelings away in a Rapunzel-esque tower. He knew she didn’t do it deliberately to annoy him, but it still felt like they did this tiresome dance far too often. Brandon had to frequently remind himself that Ember wasn’t as used to sharing troubles as he was. In his family, almost every problem was shared and advice was given, but with Ember he felt as though she had never seen that as an option. She liked to carry the world on her shoulders and attempt the impossible all on her own, but he was trying to make her realise that she didn’t have to do that anymore; she had him.

He had gone through a phase of blocking people and everything out to try and protect the people he cared about, but Brandon had fast learned that it didn’t work. Then Ember had appeared in his life in a way that was much more than just carting her off when she got herself involved in a club fight. After that he had seen how locking people out did absolutely nothing for her and thought better of trying it himself, just in time for him to realise that he cared more for the gun slinging blonde than he had ever planned on. Shaking his head, he scrubbed his fingers through his already messy hair and let out a loud sigh. “Ember, c’mon already. I can give you space and lay off, but only when I know what’s bothering you. So today is your mom’s birthday; that much I know, but the rest is a complete mystery.” He took a slow walk to the other side of the apartment and shrugged, glancing back at his girlfriend. “I work best when I know why. Call it detective instincts if you want, but it’s the truth and I won’t stop worrying until you give me something.” He tried to let these things go the minute Ember seemed distracted or bothered by something, but knowing her past and understanding how she often ‘coped’ with emotional toils, he always found himself worrying that she was going to do something reckless.

Accepting the coffee, Brandon only held it and watched as Ember took up her usual spot on the couch. He felt as though there would be nothing achieved from this and he was just waiting to see that spark of anger flash in her blue eyes before she shouted at him about giving her space. He knew by now that the best way to deal with that was to try and push back hard enough for her to see sense through her irrational rage. Stepping back across the room to the couch, he perched on the cushion and placed his cup on the coaster on the coffee table before leaning on his knees. “I’m just trying to understand you better. I know it’s not easy, but I want to.” He admitted honestly, giving another small shrug at the end of his words, bracing himself for some kind of backlash from Ember.

[/justify]

Word count of 593
Written for Ember
Listening to She's Got A Way by Billy Joel

[/size]

[Ember Thistle Grant]

Ember had heard plenty of people ask her to give them a chance, to listen and to let them in when they came knocking, but she didn’t find it all that easy. Growing up there had been no time for talking and sharing feelings and it seemed to be programmed into her to never allow that to happen. Her mom had been more interested in her flavour of the week to care where her daughter was and during the rare times she did try to be interested, Ember had nothing to say to her that was nice. Ember hadn’t ever had a functional home life and even after she moved out and made a life with the Grant family and her father she had still felt more like a spectator than an actual daughter or sister. She just didn’t understand it and when it overwhelmed her she liked to run back to what she was used to.

See, she knew he would know what today was. She also knew that he wouldn’t understand her aversion to today, at least not from looking at a file or calling in a favour from an old friend. In a way she was thankful of that; Ember liked having her secrets. They were the little parts of her life that other people didn’t get to comment on or offer up their opinion. She was a girl who had once had nothing and the little things like that made her happy, even if they seemed foolish to others. The tall blonde brushed a hand through her artificial waves and then glanced across at Brandon with a tired look in her sapphire eyes. “I have no intention of hitting every club in the city and passing out in the elevator, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

[/color] She said, her tone soft so he didn’t think that she was trying to be difficult or push him away. “And you’re always going to worry. It’s practically what you’ve done for years.”[/color] She threw in a roll of her eyes and a dry chuckle before turning her attention back to the mug in her hand.

She watched him as he moved to join her on the couch, her eyes fixed on his as he spoke. Ember knew he was trying and she had to give him something for that. They could be two very different people when they wanted to be and it sometimes brought them closer, while at other times it worked against them. There was a lot to learn about the other and she knew that she was worse than him for all of this, but she was trying; it just didn’t come easily. Ember had been raised to act on instinct and it was a trait she couldn’t shake off, even when those instinctive walls were entirely unnecessary again. She took a breath, followed by a long sip of the hot drink before she decided to reveal anything. “I also haven’t seen her in five years. I left that cesspit of an apartment on her birthday. I ran away for two weeks before moving in with my dad.”[/color] Ember shrugged like it was no big deal, which was sort of how she saw it. This anniversary just had her wondering how things could have been different if she had stayed. It made her think about the things she often ignored. "See? There's nothing wrong, I just don't feel like talking about things that I can't change."[/color]
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

• • •

TAGGED! Brandon <3
WORDS! 601!
OUTFIT! Breakdown Beauty!
QUOTE! Broken - - - Lifehouse
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[brandon emmett larkin]

The reason Brandon pushed so much was because he was probably one of the few people in Ember’s life today who had actually seen where she had come from. They might not have been friends and she might’ve always had a mouthful of wonderful insults to throw his way the second she laid those sapphire eyes on him, but he saw it all. He was just thankful that she had made it through those years alive. Whenever he had been informed about a body found out that way he had worried if it was Ember or any of the other younger teenagers who just seemed to get caught up in a world of danger like they had no choice in the matter. At least now he could stop thinking like that and actually wrap his arms around the reckless girl who had given him too many frights to think about, especially in the last year.

He didn’t have to know about every dark and nitty-gritty secret Ember had. In fact, Brandon was pretty sure that he didn’t want to know most of them. He might not have been a cop anymore, but he still felt a certain moral obligation and playing dumb around bits of Ember’s rough history was probably for the best. He did, however, want to know about the things that made Ember tick; the parts of her life that left invisible scars and brought out her foulest of moods. He wanted to be able to help her move on from all of them as best as he could. She had been given a future, one he hoped to share with her, but there were still some demons haunting her. Brandon pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh. He had to admit that he had been concerned that Ember would fall back into her reckless ways if she kept things to herself. “Believe me, there are easier people to worry about.” He admitted, tossing in a small smirk. There might have been other people out there who would cause him less stress and worry, but he only wanted Ember. For reasons he still couldn’t fathom, she was the one who laid claim to his heart.

Brandon knew that the odds were probably against them. They could be opposing forces of nature at times, clashing terribly, but he always came back to smooth things over and to repair the damage. He didn’t want to lose her because he pushed too much and she tried to balance the world on her shoulders alone. When Ember spoke, Brandon listened and kept his eyes fixed on her. He had known Ember had been out of contact with her mom for quite some time, but he didn’t know exactly how that had all come about. “Do you want to see her again? I could call in a favour.” He offered, unsure about what Ember was struggling with on this day. It was clearly that it was somewhat painful, but at the same time, he didn’t quite know if this was just her stubbornness at play or if there was something else. Brandon had to admit that this problem was less than he was expecting and something he could easily stop fussing over now that he knew the truth. Ember was just so unpredictable at times that he didn’t know what would press her self-destruct button next. Wrapping his arm around her, Brandon tugged the tall blonde into his side and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I just want you to be okay, Em. That’s all I want.” He smiled down at her and then took the chance to steal a gentle kiss.

[/justify]

Word count of 645
Written for Ember
Listening to She's Got A Way by Billy Joel

[/size]

[Ember Thistle Grant]

She still felt extremely connected to her past. Ember wasn’t the kind of girl to forget about the rough times that came long before the car accident that still held her darkest memory. She still kept in touch with a few of the old faces who had tried to move on with their lives, too, and she had a helping hand to offer to any of them if they slipped or found themselves struggling. People rarely looked at Ember and saw a caring character, but she was capable of it when a situation demanded it; she just didn’t shed a tear or pat someone’s shoulder if they were having a bad day at the office. It was why she sometimes felt herself getting annoyed when Brandon voiced his concerns about her. There were worse people in worse situations out there who had no one worrying or fussing over them. Ember could take care of herself and while it was something she didn’t have to do anymore, it was still something she couldn’t let go of.

Ember was still adjusting to this relationship with Brandon. Her last relationship had been with Robert and it had been at a time in her life when things were very different. She wasn’t quite as jaded as she was now and it had been a good few years before her double brush with death. She was still silently struggling to come around to the fact that Brandon wasn’t just hanging about to keep her out of trouble, but because he wanted to be there. She knew that he deserved a better girl in his life and she knew that she was lucky to have him, but getting her to confess to something like that would be a miracle in itself. “They’d probably appreciate it more than I would, too.”

[/color] She said, meeting his gaze. There had to be someone out there who was a better fit for the bouncer than she was. He gave and she snapped and then he gave some more until she calmed down. No matter how many times Brandon told her that he was okay with that, she couldn’t help but think someone else would be a better girlfriend, even if she didn’t want anyone to take her place.

Despite everything from their past altercations to the petty fights they had today, Ember had feelings for Brandon that she couldn’t even begin to describe. She wasn’t comfortable to say them out loud, but she felt them every time he was near her and even when she was shouting at him for just caring about her. Leaning back she looked at her boyfriend as if he was completely crazy. “No, I don’t want to see her again! She probably wouldn’t even recognise me in the first place and if you can recall what my mom was like you’d remember that she wasn’t exactly in line for a mother of the year award.”[/color] She arched her eyebrows and paused to let Brandon remember the few times he had encountered Eliza Morris; a trashy waitress who dated to get her liquor. “I just always find myself wondering about how different it could’ve been if I had stuck around there instead of coming to Manhattan and finding the Grants.”[/color] She shrugged it off, knowing that she had thought this through too many times to count. It didn’t matter since she couldn’t change any of it and she probably wouldn’t change any of it even if she could. Eliza hadn’t really cared much for her daughter and Ember leaving home and running away was not a big to do at all for her. It was terrible, but it was life. Resting her head against Brandon’s chest, she let out a relaxed sigh and closed her eyes for a moment, just listening to his heartbeat. “I am okay, I actually promise you that.” [/color] She said with sincerity, her fingers brushing over the rough facial hair he had sported since the first she had met him as an adult. Kissing him back, Ember wrapped her arms around him and grinned as she pulled away ever so slightly. “You should just come on over, skip the fight and cut to that.”[/color] She joked, kissing him once more before reaching for her coffee again.
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

• • •

TAGGED! Brandon <3
WORDS! 720!
OUTFIT! Breakdown Beauty!
QUOTE! Broken - - - Lifehouse
NOTES! <3 <3 <3

[brandon emmett larkin]

Just like Ember couldn’t let go of her past, Brandon couldn’t let go of his own. There were memories that shaped him into the man he was today and not all of those memories were friendly and warm. In fact, he had a fair share that he didn’t enjoy talking about, just like his girlfriend did. Oddly enough, that didn’t worry him. Ember didn’t need to hear about some of the things he had seen and he didn’t need to know about some of the things she had done. If the time came for those conversations then they might take place, but in general, he was just happy to have Ember in his life. She was a tough young thing, even tougher than some of the cops he knew, but he still felt the need to look out for her and keep her safe. He just knew that saying that would bring out one of her eye rolls and a sarcastic comment.

He already knew that this relationship would only come to something if he was patient with Ember. Brandon was aware of her past issues, her jaded outlook on life and her habit of pulling away from people, which was why he was determined to let none of those things drag them apart. There could have been an easier relationship out there with cute romantic moments and constant happy laughter, but Brandon had found himself falling hard and falling fast for the stubborn blonde with an anger issue. He didn’t care about it either. “Mm. The only problem is that they wouldn’t be you.” He said, meeting her gaze and making sure she understood the underlying message in his words. Brandon wasn’t giving up on Ember and he wasn’t going anywhere without her. He didn’t care if he had to wait years for her to say those three little words or if it took him the next ten years to make her believe in the idea of a happily ever after. Brandon just wanted Ember, regardless of how difficult or how testing it could be.

He was already harbouring some pretty intense feelings for the young, occasionally reckless, blonde. He just didn’t want to scare her away by saying them or insinuating that he was ready for something she wasn’t. As she leaned back and gave him that incredulous look, Brandon could only raise his eyebrows, wondering what she would have to say now. He listened and then nodded in a slow understanding. He had only met the woman who called herself Ember’s mom twice, but it had been enough for him. Dropping Ember off back at the grotty apartment and finding a woman who didn’t even know if her daughter was in or out was a little shocking. He couldn’t say he blamed her for running away. Keeping his eyes on his girlfriend to try and gauge her reaction, he could see that this really was just an off day more than anything else. “Okay, but just so you know, I’m glad you came away from it all. It’s still surreal to find you sitting here like this, but you don’t need me to tell you that this was the better outcome.” He said, smiling warmly. Squeezing her side slightly, Brandon chuckled slightly against her lips. “We’d never get anything done if we started that.” He joked, knowing the effect Ember could have on him with just one kiss. Some of the time he had to remind himself about work or errands or even visiting his own family! Brandon was far too taken by Ember for it to be healthy. “Actually, I do have something I need to talk to you about.” He began, pausing to drink his own hot coffee before leaning back and preparing himself for any potential backlash. “My mom has been going kind of crazy about never meeting you. She wants me to bring you to dinner on Sunday.”

[/justify]

Word count of 660
Written for Ember
Listening to She's Got A Way by Billy Joel

[/size]

[Ember Thistle Grant]

They might not have been some loved up couple holding hands and strolling through Central Park, but there was no part of Ember that wanted that. They might have blundered their way through some moments and she might have caused a little too much trouble once or twice, but she liked what she had with Brandon. It wasn’t perfect or like something out of a fairy tale, but it was real and it was them. No matter what anyone else tried to say, that was the truth of it. They had demons in their past and troubles they didn’t like to talk about, but they had each other when they needed each other. Ember hadn’t had that in the longest of times and it was something she appreciated more than she could say.

Ember had no idea what Brandon saw in her. It was a mystery that still baffled her and even when she had tried asking him, he just sort of smirked and gave her some semi-cryptic response that either had her narrowing or rolling her eyes. This was another of those times when he caught her off guard with his words and the look he added to them. How did he see something so wonderful, when she just saw the same angry, troublesome sixteen year old but with better skin and tamed hair? “You’re a fool.”

[/color] She whispered with a shake of her head, before ending that particular conversation with a soft kiss. Ember didn’t do too well with words; she was an action kind of girl.

It was difficult enough for her own family to try and talk her into a sit down dinner. She wasn’t exactly a fan of such gatherings and at Brandon’s mention of dinner with his family, Ember could feel her heart begin to beat a little faster. A combination of nerves and terror and everything else rushed through her and she just blinked at him for a moment, the coffee cup frozen in her hands halfway to her lips again. “I can’t.”[/color] She said quietly, blinking once more as she put the mug back on the table and then raked her fingers through her hair, leaning back to look at Brandon. “I don’t do family dinners at the best of times. Why does she even want to meet me?”[/color] She was flummoxing and she knew it; she suspected Brandon did, too. Rubbing her arm she sighed, feeling nervous about the whole situation. She wasn’t some perfect girlfriend and it didn’t take all that much for people to see that. She gave Brandon enough grief during their silly fights that she didn’t want his family giving him it, too, over his choice in women. However, she figured Brandon wouldn’t have asked if it didn’t mean something to him as well as his mother, so it was with another sigh that she raised her eyes to meet his again. “If you really want me to go then I guess I can force my way through one dinner.”[/color]
[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/justify]

• • •

TAGGED! Brandon <3
WORDS! 541!
OUTFIT! Breakdown Beauty!
QUOTE! Broken - - - Lifehouse
NOTES! <3 <3 <3